Operation Crossdress, Hot Mess!
by hollyivy7
Summary: Or, the epic tale of how Hibari saved Tsuna's chastity and in the process...kind of lost his own. Um, yay for crossdressing? 2718, 1827, 10018, 10027, 8059. Shounen ai. AU
1. Chapter 1

Tsuna was embarrassed. Now, this feeling was not a novelty. He had failed countless quizzes, tripped innumerable times over nothing, caught multitudinous balls (Baseballs hurt the most, especially home runs hit by Yamamoto) with his face. Yes, Tsuna was well-acquainted with humiliation. But all those other times - at least he had been wearing pants/boxers! At this thought, Tsuna blushed and pulled down his skirt lower. He was wearing strawberry hair clips in his shoulder-length wig! With the word "SWEET" emblazoned in cheerful pink sequins and glitter! Glitter! This was a blow to his manliness that he would never recover from.

Gokudera rapped on the changing room. (Thank goodness no one had to see his utter failure at actually getting the - _hiii _- bra on. Girls were amazing, he had decided, after painfully introducing the back of his head to the wall in an attempt to adjust the straps.) "Tenth, er, are you finished? Not to rush you, I mean, of course the Tenth can take as long as he wants!" the gray-haired boy said adoringly.

Reborn's voice, in contrast, was matter-of-fact and merciless, "No, he can't. Get out before I make you."

Tsuna hesitated. The ominous sound of a gun cocking spurred him on. He squeaked, "I - I'm coming, I'm coming!" With one last dismayed glance at his outfit, Tsuna hardened his resolve and opened the door.

"Haha, you look like an actual girl!" Yamamoto said with no malice as the first one willing to break the silence. Tsuna blushed harder. That wasn't exactly the kind of compliment a 16-year-old male wanted to receive.

"I-I don't think-" Tsuna whispered, touching the tips of index fingers together.

Gokudera jumped in, after giving a glare to Yamamoto for speaking up first, "Tenth is amazing! Even when wearing, eh, that."

"That" was a flowy lemon-yellow sundress and pink ballet flats. Reborn nodded as he examined Tsuna critically from head (wig the same hair color as his own) to toe (dainty rose bows on the shoes). If his inspection hadn't been so purely professional, Tsuna would have felt extremely violated. As it was, he was looking everywhere but Reborn.

Reborn holstered his gun and said, "It'll do."

"R-Reborn-san, what is the point of this?" Tsuna asked fearfully.

_Training_ was the predictable answer. Fed-up, Tsuna yelled, "How is wearing girl's clothing going to make me stronger?"

Yamamoto agreed, "Yeah, not that this isn't a fun game and all, but I don't see the purpose either."

Reborn muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "idiot student", and said, "You're going to infiltrate Bessie's Bordello."

Yamamoto and Tsuna stared blankly at him, but Gokudera reacted with horror. "But that's a - he can't - no way Tenth is going to spy in one of those!"

"Gokudera-kun, what is it?" Tsuna questioned with a sinking feeling.

Blushing, he mumbled something incomprehensible. Yamamoto tilted his head and informed him helpfully that he should speak more clearly.

"Orouse."

"What?"

"_Horhouse."_

"Huh?"

"A BORDELLO IS A WHOREHOUSE!" Gokudera bellowed, attracting many strange looks in the department store. The shoppers had mostly decided to ignore the strange quartet and gave them large berth.

"Ehhhhh?" Tsuna squealed.

"Don't be ridiculous," Reborn dismissed with a wave of the hand. "Bessie's Bordello is a gentleman's club - very high-class, very private. Only the elite can afford it, and clients are not allowed to go any further than what the ladies allow. It isn't like they'll get that far with you, anyway."

"Reborn, no!" Tsuna panicked. Before he managed to marry Kyoko, he would be RAPED by a man.

"It's alright. Your famiglia will be undercover as well." The baby acknowledged Gokudera and Yamamoto. "The waiter uniforms are over there."

"Fancy!" Yamamoto said as he dangled a white glove in front of Gokudera's face, who irritably batted it away.

"Reborn, I don't want to have prostitution as my first job experience!" Tsuna protested.

Reborn smiled and all three of them stilled. Bad things happened when Reborn was happy. Or amused. Or _there_.

"You won't be alone. The strongest Guardian will accompany you in disguise."

A moment of shock.

"But that's-!"

* * *

Author's Note: Ooh. Cliffie.

REVIEW PLEASE. Tell me if there's any characters you really want to see. Or if I made any grammar mistakes because I did kind of rush this. Also, YES. 2718 and 1827 sounds improbable. It is. I'm not going to be writing, you know, the actual sex, so no worries.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm too young to die!" bleated the second year Hibari was currently punishing on the rooftop. Which was utter bullshit, so Hibari gave him another knock on the head with his tonfas for that comment. You were never too young to die. In fact, young fools were usually the first to go down on the battlefield because of their inexperience, youth, and general stupidity.

Case in point, the herbivore who was cowering before him. Covered in bruises and cuts, still he had not learned to keep his mouth shut. Hibari mentally added spouting idiocy to the long list of crimes the boy held to his name, including one: harassment of a female student, two: the bad fortune to come across Hibari when he was in a bad mood, and three: being a herbivore. The first could one day, with copious amounts of repentance, be forgiven, perhaps even the second. However, combined with the third, his transgressions were inexcusable.

With a quick blow to the temple, the boy slumped over, unconscious. Mercy did not become Hibari Kyoya, and that was not why he had cut their session short.

"Baby," he said without blinking, "what are you doing here."

Reborn hopped down from his hidden spot and smiled, "We require your assistance."

"No," replied Hibari predictably.

Reborn ignored him and proceeded to outline the mission's parameters.

"_No_," repeated Hibari.

Tsuna's home tutor sighed inwardly. The Cloud Guardian was really too stubborn for his own good. Time to bring out the big guns..

"Our second choice is the Mist Guardian." Rokudo Mukuro - Hibari's most hated enemy. That caught his attention enough. _Hook. _

"I'm sure he'll be overjoyed to meet with Tsuna again." _Line._

"Elaborate," said the dark-haired boy with narrowed eyes. _And sinker._

_

* * *

_This probably wouldn't be as difficult if they didn't have an audience. Gokudera and Yamamoto were loud. And distracting. And really unhelpful. Then again, he was a chronic failure, so it was likely it would make no difference.

"Heel, toe, heel, toe!" barked Bianchi ruthlessly.

Tsuna attempted to obey, stumbling along in his kitten heels. _Kitten heels. _Miraculously, he had not sprained an ankle or else grievously injured himself. Yet. It was only a matter of time before he did, Tsuna suspected. After all, how could he concentrate with his two friends in the background, bickering one minute and hollering pseudo-supportive comments the next? He should just be thankful that Reborn wasn't here. No - the Vongola baby was off convincing Hibari, the Cloud Guardian, to agree to help with the assignment. Considering the trouble they went through just to persuade Hibari to _be_ the Cloud Guardian, Reborn would be gone for a while.

And of course, at that very moment, because the universe hated him, Reborn kicked Tsuna's door open. A sullen-looking Hibari Kyoya followed (Tsuna was all of a sudden very grateful to Bianchi for allowing him to wear his normal, _male_ clothes).

"Whoa," remarked Gokudera, who had for the moment stopped yelling at Yamamoto, "I didn't expect him to actually come."

"Is Hibari going to wear high-heels too?" asked Yamamoto with innocent curiosity and an unintentional death wish.

"I am _observing_," snapped the prefect. He, with a disdainful glance at his surroundings, chose to lean on the wall, eyes boring into Tsuna.

"Idiot student. what are you waiting for?" prompted Reborn. The sadist.

Bianchi, eyes turning into hearts, straightened up. "You heard Reborn-san!" she said cheerfully. "Heel, toe, heel, toe, at least _try_ to walk in a straight line, Tsuna!"

Tsuna cried on the inside. There was no God.

* * *

Author's Note:

Ahaha. Hi. I updated before the end of the year? *scratches cheek* I was on vacation guys, sorry.

REVIEW?


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